Ridiculously Random
by TinyFox2
Summary: This is a collection of random fanfictions that are ALL ridiculous. Currently consists of Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and maybe Temeraire. I OWN NADA, ZIP, NOTHING!
1. Chapter 1

Harry woke up in his new bedroom. It was Slytherin's gift to muggleborn students. The Chamber of Secrets.

Draco walked in.

"Hey Harry, are you a girl yet?" he asked.

Harry stepped on the annoying rabbit, and it died.

"Now Draco's dead, I can drink loads of alcohol!" the little first year said, before turning into a stag and running into the lake.

Professor Binns looked sadly at the dumb stag, and turned him into a seventh year Hufflepuff. "Damnit Binns!" the girl said, before transfiguring herself back to a boy. He changed the water in the lake to alcohol, and drank it all. Harry Potter staggered into potions, earning a detention from Percy Jackson, the new potions teacher. Hermione also destroyed his soul by giving him the Dementors' Kiss, right when he least expected it.

"Damn Hermione! I love you!" Draco shouted, before snogging an apple.

*THE END*


	2. Chapter 2

Jason was scared

More frightened then anytime he should be alas, even the amazing Jason Grace has his downfalls.

After all,an angry Piper Mclean was more dangerous then insulting blue food in front of Percy, which was truly saying something.

He had learnt that one the hard way.

He still had the bruises, which ached and throbbed as he was hiding in his wardrobe, hoping his girlfriend wouldn't find him.

Or rather, ex girlfriend

Jason should have probably broken it easier to Piper, instead of making Percy give a private letter sealed with his handsome saliva informing that he didn't like her.

Gods, he was so thoughtful

At least, that is what his half brother Moui said.

"JASON PINEAPPLE-FACE ROSEMARY WULFRIC BRIAN GRACE!"

Jason flinched as Piper flung open the door and slid to the floor.

Her face was furious, and he could feel Zeus trembling in olympus.

"YOU DITCHED MEH FOR A BRICK?!"

Jason sighed. People were so judgemental.

"It's true love!" he whimpered. "Me and Percy are happily engaged-"

Oh Hades, he said it. He could feel Piper's eyes widen in astonishment as she backed away slightly.

"What did you say?" Her voice was minute and shaking as though keeping something back. Laughter?

Jason angrily stood up and did a sailer moon pose.

"I meant to say Stapler!" he yelped, as Piper clutched her stomach.

"Percy!" she yelled, to get his attention, before Jason rammed her into a wall and backed away in shock as she fainted.

Holy Zeus. He had knocked her unconscious


	3. Chapter 3

Annabeth was mad

It had been a bad day

She and Percy had had yet another fight about their "bright," future.

He did not want to attend collage and all that stuff

She respected his decision and all, being dyslexic and adhd is hard.

But still!

Did he not care about their life anymore after the war?

Did he not respect her decisions?

Rain started to fall and drizzled down as clouds strolled into the sky.

Annabeth almost thought she saw a rainbow streak across the sky in a boom.

But she was so angry she didn't even care.

She bumped into another girl, her impact strong enough to send her down.

She sobered herself instantly.

"Sorry." she sighed, pulling the girl up. For one second, she saw chocolate eyes staring back at her stony grey ones.

Beautiful brown, until they turned emerald green.

Slowly, other features changed, but before the daughter of Athena could do anything, she found herself in a van, after what felt like being squeezed through a pipe. The mysterious person then vanished, and the van began to move.

oOoOo

Annabeth was terrified. She began to shriek, but the person, (who was certainly a boy) flickered back, pointed a stick at her, and she couldn't make a sound.

Satisfied, he vanished again.

Annabeth started to freak out. She had been kidnapped by some witch or something!

'Stay calm Annabeth, THINK' she thought to herself. So she sat down, and made a plan.

oOoOo

At the Ministry of Magic, Harry got out. He found the special auror entrance and got ready to remove the dark witch out the back. He had thoroughly warded the back, but he hadn't heard a single attempt at a spell. Nothing.

"Annabeth Chase. I am about to remove you from the van, and after that you will go on trial." Harry wordlessly removed the silencing charm before continuing. "Do you understand?"

"How do you know my name?" she asked cautiously.

"Legilimency. You have decent mental shields though, as I couldn't find anything else. Now, do you understand what I have said?" he repeated, slightly annoyed.

"Yes, but what am I going on trial for?"

"Covering London with salmon using the dark spell 'Salmonis covera'."

oOoOo

Annabeth had no clue what to think. Those words had covered London in salmon from America?! What? She laughed at the idea, but then realized it was a DARK spell. Wow.

As she came out from the wall she was walking through, which in itself was odd, she saw a beautiful witch in a suit.

"Hermione, take Miss Chase to a holding cell." the man said. Annabeth didn't want to harm any... demigods? Wizards? But she did want to escape. She grabbed her pencil sharpener from her pocket (Hazel had used the Mist on her sword) and twisted the screw, making it turn into the drakon bone sword that she knew. The sword turned the people with magic into trout.

"Wow. I don't even like seafood," she said, and several crabs swarmed over the fish.

Annabeth ran away, somehow turning into an owl and pecked Hermione before turning human and making her into a fish.

Abruptly, Annabeth's eyes snapped open and she took a wild double take before realising it was all just a dream.

She turned over to see her girlfriend sleeping next to her peacefully.

Facing upwards, Annabeth smiled, took her hand and went back to sleep.

TheEnd


	4. Chapter 4

Draco woke up, still kissing the mudblood. He left the room while she slept, escaping in his animagus form, a lion, to the fruit bowl, where he ate every unworthy piece of fruit.

He roared a warning to the world, before escaping with the one. Apple was to be his bride, in beautiful shades of red. However, the lonely Gryffindor accidentally ate his wife during the escape.

"NOOO!" he roared, before finding the kitchens. If he couldn't have his bride, no-one could, so he ate Chicken and Pudding, smiting Brick. After that, he sucked out Granger's soul, and left to kiss his other girlfriends (Luna, Pansy, Hannah and Annabeth) and his boyfriends (Colin and Harry).

*THE END*

* * *

 **Random chapter to say where all this random stupidity comes from, I know. But anyway, me and my friend on WhatsApp were bored, we made a group of just us two, and from that sprung utter stupidity. LOL**

 _ **From,**_

 ** _A random Asperger's who likes fennec foxez._**


	5. Chapter 5

'Open in the name of Lord Voldemort, heir of Salazar Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four.' Neville Longbottom hissed to Harry Potter.

'Moony, it was my fault. Don't blame yourself.' Harry replied, which earned an odd stare from the other boy.

'Ancient and Noble House of Malfoy!' Draco yelled, as he walked into the lake to hug the giant squid.

'Moony, please explain to me why you are okay with Harry getting drunk?!' Hedwig asked Neville.

Neville replied with,

'But he started ranting to me about unicorns, Gryffindor's giant feces, Sirius being a giant elephant, and I believe your dislike of pirates.'

'WHAT?! I DID THAT?!' Harry screamed at the dementors in his pajamas, while Ron did a kind of frenzied tap dance, wearing a shirt that proclaimed Hermione a dunce.

"I proclaaaaaaim that Hermione Jean Granger is a dunce whom is filled with Basilisk Feces!" the T-shirt yelled, while Hermione screamed at Fred's ghost for possessing the shirt. Harry's Harry shirt was almost as bad as the screaming t-shirt.

Hagrid died nearby, screaming about librarians and sinks, while Fawkes pulled out his brain.

"GOOD RIDDANCE!" they all yelled as Hagrid took his final breath.

"Who are you, Harry Potter?" the Potions Professor asked.

"I'm Harry Potter. The-Boy-Who-Lived, The-Chosen-One, The Savior, The-Boy-Who-Traveled-Back-In-Time-And-Has-To-Sneak-Glasses-Of-Firewhiskey-Behind-His-Guardian's-Backs-Becuase-He-Looks-Like-A-Ten-Year-Old."

"Ummm..."

Harry Potter had a great life after the war. Everyone and everything was perfectly perfect.

Except, of course, a few weeks after they had their third child.

Lily Luna Potter.

Because of course the boy who lived can't go about his life without making stupid mistakes, right?

He is James's son.

And oh, James had a few words to say, as well as a lot of other dead people.

Anyway, Harry was sleeping,after a long day of work where he could not copy of Hermione, and in his slumber, he saw the heavenly heavens in which his parents rested.

Tonks, Remus, and Sirius were all there too!

It had been the first time since he'd seen them all like this for ages!

Fangirling epically, Harry rushed to hug them all,.

And was very very shocked when they all backed away.

Tonks snarled at him, her eyes glinting.

She put her hand on Remus's shoulder, since poor old Moony looked positively glum, as though Gale and Katniss got together instead of his otp.

Which Harry later found out was Katniss x her arrow.

Sirius and James glared at him from two chairs in the living room, which was a strange mixture of Hogwarts and Sirius's old home.

Lily was the first to break the silence, as she whistled a strange tune that seemed fit for only the dead.

And suddenly, something crashed through the ceiling and landed clumsily on the floor, covered in a large black jacket that made the owner look like a wannabe gangster. It concealed his entire figure,until the person ripped it off, revealing it to be Harry's wise old mentor and father figure."

Dumbledore?!" he gasped, wondering what the bloody heaven was going on.

"Oh hello Harry, would you like some Ambrosia?" he hugged Harry until his ribs felt like cracking, and babbled on about the sea God giving him a jacket and a blonde girl designing him a lovely house to fit his new gangster life.

All the while, his family were giving him such angry looks that he thought they should get to the bloody point.

"So why am I here?"

The words came tumbling out of his mouth, and he regrette MNmnemonid it instantly as Remus turned away and Sirius came over and shook him.

"Harry Elizabeth Zombie Pirate Rosemary Lavender Tomato Onion Carrot Feces Toilet Urine Wulfric Brian James Sirius Dementor Hamburg Vegetarian Meat Idiot James Potter-"

"That's not my name!"

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO TALK ABOUT NAMES!"he snapped.

James exploded at that point, while Dumbledore sneaked away to steal more ambrosia from the Gods.

"You realise you are really bad at naming children, surely?" he stood next to Sirius, looking ready to explode.

Even more

Harry scratched the back of his neck, before realising what they meant.

"You are talking about my kids?"

"Yes, Harry, we are. Firstly, I want to ask why none of your kids got my name?" Remus asked politely

"And why none of your kids got MY esteemed, wonderful name? Fred is a perfectly good name!" he added, before winking, as if to say, 'we're cool'

"Also, why didn't you name anyone after Hagrid? I mean, it's not like the problem is with him being alive, since, 'Lily LUNA Potter'."

"WHY DON'T I GET A NAME?" Tonks snarled.

"Well, um, you see, naming a kid Tonks would be awkward since we look after Teddy, and you really hate your first name so yeahhhh..."

"MY NAME IS TONKS!"

"Uh... right?"

Harry was dazed and rather fearful of the dirty looks he got.

"And you named one of your sons after that Snivelling -"

"James!"

Lily sighed before turning to Dumbledore, who had come back with pink plastic sunglasses snug on his stupid face.

"Have I missed anything?You all look weird." Dumbledore surveyed everyone, as if suddenly realising the tension.

Then Lily came over to whisper the unspeakable sins Harry had committed into his ear.

Dumbledore tutted slightly and turned to look at Harry, who was inwardly groaning at the drama he'd created.

He waddled over to the Boy who lived and stared at him, before slapping him like a boss.

"OW!" Harry rubbed his cheek, glancing at Dumbledore in pure shock.

"Harry, leave the naming to Hermione and Ronald, please."

And thus, we come to know of the three Potters called, James Reubus, Sirius Remus, (since Dumbledore was greedy and did not want to share his name,) and Lily Luna.

All was well.

Except for when Harry met Tonks again in his dreams, where she gave him the smack down for not having Ginny give birth to another girl so they could call her Tonks.

 **Hi! I know that I might get complaints about grammar. Well guess what: I'm leaving the mistakes in there! (・∀・** **)**


	6. Chapter 6

Once upon a time, Temeraire decided to fly way up into the sky for fun, but when he flew back down, the training grounds were gone. So he flew to where Laurence's home should have been, but it wasn't the same. He landed nevertheless, but was chased and attacked, so the poor dragon flew away, and kept going North, to somewhere that he wasn't sure.

A few hours later, Temeraire found a castle, and landed in a nearby courtyard, accidentally squishing a few trees.

"Oops!" the dragon said, and decided to roar to clear some space. He destroyed what looked like a corridor, and stretched a bit. "Oh, I wish Laurence could see this!" he said sadly.

Harry was going to do some homework in the courtyard during the free period, but there was a massive fricking dragon there. He screamed.

"Oh, little one, don't be afraid!" the dragon said. "I am Temeraire." and turned Hermione into an apple, which Draco ran over and ate, stroking the smooth, waxy skin of the apple.

"I love you Applemione!" he said, before turning into his patronus (a slug) and slithering away, until Temeraire ate the slug.

"Wow Temeraire, you're awesome! Do you need a bigger snack?" Harry asked eagerly, plotting Snape's demise.

"Yes, thank you," Temeraire replied, and followed Harry to the dungeons, where he ate Snape, and Dumbledore too when he came to look.

"Yay! Thanks epic terrifying dragon!" Harry said.

Temeraire flew away to America now, but unknown to him, Harry was stowing away on his back, clinging onto a spike.

At Camp Half-Blood, Temeraire ate all the campers except Percy Jackson, who cheered and climbed onto Temeraire to chat with Harry. He was especially happy about Rachel's death, and that meant that he was super excited, especially since Annabeth was at college. At Camp Jupiter, the same thing happened, and Jason climbed on, cuddling a cracked brick.

"Ummmm. Jason, why are you hugging a brick?" Harry asked politely.

"Oh, sorry, I thought it was my girlfriend, Thalia!" he said, and dropped Brick into the sea, but Percy saved it and hugged it, imaging Annabeth.

Then they all fell into the eternal abyss, and they all fell happily ever after.

*_THE END_*

 **Hi! Okay, which do you think is the most stupid and ridiculous story so far? I really want to troll my friend!**


	7. Chapter 7

Percy since he and Annabeth broke up, he had been feeling a little down.

Since Grover was away saving the environment, he did not have him to talk to.

Jason was too busy being all romantic with Piper, and Leo was bribing the twins and the weasels-uh, Weasley? - into helping him prank Calypso. And Frank and Hazel were at boring old roman camp.

Percy sighed as he sunk into his chair.

Until jumping up when Harry Potter landed in his lap in an anime girl dress.

"Hey dude." he said, batting his eyelashes as Ronald Weasley fell on top of him, making them fall to the floor.

He was wearing a ladybug costume, and laughing.

"This is so cool!"he squealed like a freak.

The two boys then ran away.

Percy jumped out of his dream instantly, thinking the Gods were telling him that anime girls were evil.

He chuckled nervously, and grabbed his girlfriend's hand. Annabeth was not really a morning person.

Yep, Annabeth, his wife.

The End


	8. Chapter 8

Hello.

I am dreadfully sorry about this.

I wish I'd updated sooner, but my teachers are piling on the homework and choosing your GCSEs is a very serious business. On top of that, my inspiration has decided to go play hide and seek.

So, for the next (insert time period here) my stories will be on hold.

Also, I want to rewrite my two Splatoon stories because they.. aren't the greatest.

Again, I am sorry. I'll be posting consolation.. something. I don't know.

Again, I'm so dreadfully sorry.

Thank you all for reading my stories

But here's a joke for you all:

 _Knock knock._

 _Who's there?_

 _Interrupting cow._

 _Interrupting c-_

 _MOOOOOO!_


End file.
